Our first impression of @xinling_spa was as a forum contributor sharing life reflections—a fan (of the Qing’ao family, the Huang Haitao family) who used the theme “Borrow Some Color from Life” to express her belief that life must be colorful and the soul enriched. Then, she backed up her views with action, and her travel sharing became even more compelling. Her eloquent writing and heartfelt insights made us feel that her name truly matched her essence—she seemed to give our souls a spa treatment too.
In June, on the very day her son graduated from kindergarten, she set off with him. Twelve days, from Beijing to Northern Xinjiang—she called it their first journey together. Along the way, her little boy transformed from a dependent child into a responsible young man who could help his mother!
Though she didn’t have much experience traveling with her son, her keen observation and reflective nature allowed her to draw many lessons from this first trip. In her words, it was “a shared life challenge, involving willpower, courage, character, mindset...”
After reading this interview, we were even more impressed by how she broke down and explained the insights gained from the journey in such clear and understandable terms. We believe that after reading this interview, you won’t have to worry about traveling with your kids either!
“First times” always need some motivation—why did this previously unattempted trip come to fruition? She said the original inspiration came from Huang Haitao!
I started following Brother Tao in March this year. After reading his story, besides feeling excited, thrilled, and moved, I was overwhelmed with the urge to hit the road. Before this, travel felt like a big deal—you had to think it over repeatedly, worried about the child getting sick, the weather being bad, safety issues, and so on...
But now, it’s different—I’ve caught the travel bug. The words of Brother Tao kept echoing in my mind: “In one’s lifetime, there should be at least one impulse to travel just for the sake of it.”
In June, I learned about a special train tour called “The Most Beautiful West.” My enthusiasm was instantly ignited—I felt the timing, attractions, travel environment, and overall conditions were just right for me and my child. So I informed my family that same day, signed up, and paid. This time, I only left myself the chance to rise to the challenge.
Driven by the urge to explore, Xinling Spa began this journey, hoping only to give her child a bit of exercise. But when she saw how quickly and profoundly her child grew and changed, it completely exceeded her expectations. Now, let’s hear it from the thoughtful and analytical Xinling Spa as she shares her story...
Since we rarely spoiled or indulged our son in our family education, he has always been sensible and mature for his age. But the impact of this first kind of trip on his growth far exceeded my expectations.
After returning, I summed up five areas of his growth to share with everyone.
1) Sense of Responsibility
Unlike trips with the whole family of three, with just me and my son, he considered himself the man of the family—he consciously took care of himself, helped me carry my suitcase, and ran around taking care of things.
For example, at scenic spots, when it was time to regroup, he would remind me, and also ask the driver and guide to wait for me. Taking good photos for others was also one of our agreed responsibilities. During the trip, without my prompting, he would take multiple shots of me and then let me choose the best one. He believed this was the safest way to get a good photo.
2) Social Skills
The child is naturally outgoing, but on the train, due to the lack of peers, he felt quite bored at one point. I told him to find a way to entertain himself. He ended up walking up and down the carriage, stopping to play with those willing to engage with him, and moving on when others were busy. On the last day of the trip, he looked after a fellow traveler who had a fever but didn’t tell me. I think he had already built his own social world!
3) Resilience
Both his physical and psychological resilience improved.
The group meals weren’t always to his taste, but he learned not to complain—he could fill up eating steamed rolls with tea.
Psychologically, I found his resilience to be stronger than I expected. For instance, when a little girl refused to play with him and even shut him out of her cabin, he chose to manage his emotions on his own and continued greeting others, simply avoiding that cabin afterward. So later, when things happened, I would reason with him, but also give him time to process and resolve things on his own.
4)Preliminary Sense of Challenge
On this trip, my son began to understand what a challenge really is.
At the Hanging Great Wall in Jiayuguan, he initially didn’t want to brave the scorching heat to climb. So I gave him two choices: one, neither of us would climb—we’d both wait at the foot of the wall. It would definitely be uncomfortable in the heat, and he’d surely regret it since who knows when we’d get another chance; or two, if he climbed, he definitely wouldn’t regret it because the view would be amazing!
After some internal struggle, he decided to take on the challenge and climb. Then I added another condition: once he decided to climb, he had to see it through to the end—no complaining no matter how hot or tired he got. He agreed, and along the way, he didn’t utter a single complaint. In the end, we successfully reached the top!
After that, he successfully completed the 1,068 steps at Kanas, and upon returning to Beijing, he had no problem sleeping alone.
Hearing about the child’s changes from the Heart Spa, you can sense a mother’s expectations for her child, as well as the joy of witnessing his growth. Independence, responsibility, and accountability might be the most basic qualities she hopes her son will possess. So, what insights did the Heart Spa gain by observing and analyzing both herself and her child from the same perspective?
Normally, being with your child every day, you just see him as a child—sometimes adorable, sometimes irritating—and you may also find it confusing to accurately discern his strengths, weaknesses, and traits. Over the course of 12 days, by placing him in the position of a social being and observing him from the outside, it becomes much easier to discover the child’s strengths, weaknesses, and characteristics, as well as your own strengths and shortcomings as a parent in educating him. The 12-day journey helped me understand my child better, and this experience is greatly beneficial for guiding him in the future and refining my own parenting approach.
1) Parents should grow before their children
Parents must grow and develop before their children. If parents themselves are immature, unwilling to learn, or not proactive, how can they guide their children’s growth? Therefore, as parents, we must strive harder, keep learning, and improve ourselves in order to guide and accompany our children’s development.
2) Treat your son as a travel companion, not just a child
At the beginning of this trip, I told my son: “You must cherish every place you visit and every scenery you see, because that’s how the locals live, no matter how hot it is or how tough the conditions are. Experience the life of the local people, so no complaining or grumbling allowed.” Aside from carrying his own backpack and keeping a small daily log, my son’s task was to “take in the beautiful views with your eyes and remember them in your heart. My job is to capture them with the camera and put them in albums. We’ll also take photos of each other—we can’t rely on others to do it for us.” My son accepted this approach, learned to take care of himself, and throughout the trip, he played in his own way while I took photos in mine. He never interrupted me, and we both had a great time.
3) Actively guide your child when you notice room for improvement
A friend once said about child-rearing: Many parents only speak up about their child’s flaws when they can no longer tolerate them, whereas you point out areas for improvement as soon as you see them.
That comment really opened my eyes. Indeed, during a child’s growth, it’s important to constantly share your own experiences and insights, and to transmit positive energy to help shape an optimistic mindset. Even if the child doesn’t fully understand at the time, they will absorb some of it and benefit from it later. In contrast, most overindulgent parents only step in when they can no longer tolerate their child’s flaws, but this often yields half the results with twice the effort.
4) Mental development is more important than IQ development
In Chinese-style education, there’s a common notion where parents, when faced with issues in their child’s development, often say: “Don’t worry about it for now, let it develop naturally. He’ll understand when he’s older, or when he starts school…” But what about at school? Most teachers focus primarily on academic performance and grades, with little emphasis on cultivating values or emotional intelligence. As a result, there’s a gap in the timely education of a child’s EQ, values, and outlook on life. This disconnect directly impacts the growth of Chinese children, and such children may only show signs of maladjustment when they become adults or enter society—this is a serious issue.
Therefore, in my interactions with my child, I pay a lot of attention to nurturing his mental well-being. For example, I constantly observe changes in his emotions and language, and provide timely guidance or even emotional support. Once, during an unexpected incident, he became overly anxious, and I helped him analyze the situation and told him: “Stay calm, you will overcome the difficulty.” He remembered those words, and later, when our washing machine flooded at home, he helped me clean up while repeating them to me. That’s when I realized he had truly understood and remembered what I’d told him.
5) Create opportunities for your child’s growth anytime, anywhere
My husband doesn’t have much time to spend with our son, but our child still needs to grow. What could I do? To give my son more experiences and opportunities for development, I had to step up myself.
I identified several ways to foster his growth and looked for opportunities to make them happen: 1) traveling with my son myself; 2) finding suitable outdoor programs for children and enrolling him in their activities; 3) joining short local trips organized by fellow travelers with my child.
Although road-tripping with my child has always been a dream of mine, he’s still too young, and without a travel partner, it’s quite challenging to pull off at this stage. Regardless, I firmly believe that as long as we get out there, it counts as an experience—even if the format and style of travel differ, we can set different challenges based on the circumstances. It’s important to help my child cherish every trip, create lasting memories, and reflect together on what he’s gained.
During the trip, while always being mindful of my child, I also paid attention to my own inner self. I believe the Heart Spa must have had many reflections on her own transformation as well. What about you? Have you had similar insights?
1)Chase your dreams and act on your passions
Often, we complain too much and let too many things hold us back. We lament the monotony of life and regret the lack of variety in our experiences, but rarely do we look inward for the reasons. Early this year, I read about the story of the “Qingdao Youth Olympic Family—the Huang Haitao family of four traveling around China,” and I was deeply moved and inspired by their extraordinary journey. I even saw them as role models. So, when a suitable opportunity arose, the urge to take my son on a trip naturally emerged. I didn’t overthink it for fear that time would dilute my passion and hesitation would stall my dreams. I made the decision on the spot, signed up, and thus embarked on this journey—which brought insights far beyond my usual ones…
2)Be optimistic, confident, strong, and independent
I believe that traveling with my son is not an ordeal but an adventure—an opportunity for growth, not suffering. Therefore, I need to maintain a joyful mindset and find ways to enrich the journey. Traveling between trains and hotels with no time for laundry, I packed enough clothes for both of us for 12 days to ensure a change of outfit every day. We also bought two hats each to add some color to the trip. This made every day feel fresh and fun.
Each of us had our own camera, taking our own photos and helping each other take pictures too. Even when carrying heavy gear, seeing other families enjoying lively group moments or husbands taking on responsibilities bravely, we never felt pitiful or lonely—because we were having the best time, being our most beautiful selves. I know for sure: if I’m optimistic, my child will be too; if I’m confident, he will be too; if I’m strong, he will be too.
Simply being outdoors with family and enjoying nature together is the most basic concept of family outdoor activities that we embrace. The Heart Spa, inspired by the Huang Haitao family’s experiences, embraced the idea of family outdoor culture, took action, and created a family outdoor experience with her son. She began to realize that spending time outdoors with her child is a meaningful thing.
I don’t have professional knowledge or concepts about outdoor sports, but I believe that both parents and children should cherish every outdoor activity. We shouldn’t just follow trends blindly or play without purpose. Instead, we should plan, prepare, and reflect to make it meaningful.
Also, I believe that no matter what kind of activity you do with your child, the qualities parents aim to nurture—mental strength, willpower, character, and habits—are fundamentally the same. However, more specialized family outdoor activities may offer a more comprehensive, diverse, and challenging experience. So, what I can do now is seize every travel and training opportunity to guide and cultivate my child’s willpower and character, preparing him for future participation in youth outdoor programs and a wider range of outdoor activities.
After such an amazing "first time," Xinling Spa said, "My son understands what I want him to do with just a glance," so she feels more confident about taking her child on outdoor activities in the future. Let’s see how she plans it!
I deeply understand that a boy’s growth must involve being close to nature.
My husband and I have always considered age six as a threshold for our child. Before he turned six, we tried not to travel much, fearing he might get sick or not adapt well. Aside from taking him to Fuzhou and Xiamen once, and the occasional self-drive trip to the suburbs, our family barely traveled before he was six. But at six, both of us agreed it’s a suitable age to start going out and getting some exercise.
Since his dad is very busy and has no holidays, our family rarely gets the chance to go on vacation together. So I also contacted youth outdoor organizations to let my child join age-appropriate activities, such as hiking, wading, camping, and so on. I believe this is also a good form of training for him. As for technical outdoor sports, I’m supportive too — like rock climbing, which is relatively safe and helps build willpower. When he grows up, I’ll encourage him to take part in relatively safe adventure sports.
After reading Xinling Spa’s words, I believe you can feel the passion she pours into her child, life, and even her inner world. Only with such passion could she write something so moving.
I’m reminded of her words in "Borrow Some Color from Life": "Did heaven give us restless souls as a favor? Or as a punishment? I’d rather call it a favor, because I perceive with passion, I wait with love, I weave with dreams, I live with my life... I’d rather call it a punishment, because I crave the colors of life, I’ve tasted every bit of the years, I’ve scattered my lingering thoughts, I’ve savored all the varied flavors of existence..."
Having taken a spiritual journey with Xinling Spa, are you even more looking forward to the next installment of "Family Outdoor Gathering? Exclusive Interviews"? The October content is even more exciting!