The "flash marriage woman" has been asked many times on various occasions: how did she decide in just three dates that he was the right one?
The date arrangements seemed ordinary but were actually carefully planned.
It started with dinner. The most common form of a date between a man and a woman, yet it can reveal a person's temperament, character, habits, and even taste. The choice of restaurant—who chooses it—can show how much he values the date, whether he tends to be active or passive in the relationship; whether it’s closer to you or him, and if it’s farther, whether he considers your convenience, reveals whether he can be considerate; his requirements for the dining environment and dish choices can reflect his lifestyle and attitude.
Don’t underestimate eating. A series of studies on diet explore the interpersonal, social, and political relationships related to food. Setting aside these “grand narratives” at the dining table, as the smallest unit of social structure, the two-person dining table also has its stories. Which couple hasn’t had a restaurant date from getting to know each other to falling in love?
It was during their first dinner together that the "flash marriage woman" scrutinized numerous small details, noticing everything keenly. His performance—knowing her preferences in advance, offering alternative options, the pairing of dishes, and his attitude toward the service staff—all pleased her.
Then came tea and conversation. If you can spend a whole afternoon with someone you’re not familiar with and still have things to talk about, it means you can at least become friends. In the course of boundless conversation, the pre-planned questions become irrelevant. Two people who can talk well together usually don’t have too many differences or disagreements in experience, knowledge, or values.
Finally, there was mountain climbing. Love experts often tell you that to truly understand someone, you should travel with them. If you can’t travel, go hiking. The stamina, endurance, and temperament—all indispensable elements of a happy marriage—are revealed during a hike.
Whether you have stamina and endurance is obvious at a glance. It first tests your health condition, also examines patience and wisdom, and evaluates your knowledge and experience to ensure a safe and enjoyable long journey.
This test conducted by the "flash marriage woman" encountered a little trouble. The weather was fine at first, but when they reached the foot of the mountain, it suddenly started to rain. The "companion" clearly had plenty of experience—waterproof jacket, non-slip hiking shoes—and after a brief discussion, they stuck to their plan.
They eventually made it to the top smoothly. "He knew all kinds of plants, and was afraid I’d get tired, so he kept telling me jokes." In the eyes of the "flash marriage woman," being energetic, staying calm under pressure, knowledgeable, considerate, and humorous were all rare virtues. This hike decided her lifelong decision.
Summing up the key to her success, it was probably having the same goal, comparable capabilities, and similar values. A man who believes in thrift and managing the household frugally wouldn’t agree with a woman’s overly high demands for quality of life; a woman who doesn’t like challenges would more likely want to change the hiking plan in wind and rain. Two people with comparable abilities, who admire each other, cooperate, and climb to the summit together quickly embark on their marital journey.
Marriage is sometimes very much like mountain climbing—you need the determination to reach the top, sufficient stamina, adequate preparation, the wisdom to adapt, and you must choose the right partner.
During the hike, we often see men in suits or women in high heels and dresses. They’re obviously not there for hiking. Aside from the occasional whimsical ones, most are unprepared for what they’re doing—sightseeing, touring, or exercising.
This kind of person is rather spontaneous, or you could say their “foresight” is weak. They rarely assess the risks of something in advance or prepare solutions. A short, casual hike is no big deal, but completing the “mountain-climbing journey” of marriage is almost impossible.
Have you seen hiking pairs like this? One full of enthusiasm, moving forward with ease; the other panting heavily, constantly complaining. There are those who are dragged or pulled up the mountain, and those who stop halfway and refuse to go on.
For the long “hike” that is marriage, you certainly don’t want to give up halfway. You must have stamina, endurance, and come prepared. Innate differences between each other will always exist—the one who is physically stronger and more energetic can occasionally stop to take care of and wait for the one who is weaker. Otherwise, the two will drift further apart, and even if the person who reaches the top enjoys the gaze of admiration, across an indescribable distance, they’ve already grown distant.
I stubbornly believe that no matter how you help someone up the mountain, it’s better than leaving someone behind along the way. This isn’t entirely the responsibility of the stronger one of the two. Comparable capabilities are best—if there are differences, try your best to make up for them. Especially the weaker party, overemphasizing that others should take care of you, help you, or stay with you no matter what, is actually forcefully adding to others’ burdens. If you’ve chosen marriage, you must strive to be a good teammate, an excellent “hiking” partner. You must have the ability to complete this journey—it may have steep peaks, encounter storms, or present forks in the road. When you or your companion encounters problems, or even wants to give up, you must have a solution.
Only then, when the “hike” becomes a trio or even involves more people—most marriages will include children, two extended families, and the blending of many social relationships—you won’t be thrown into a panic.
Of course, one can also find joy in solitude. Among hikers, there are plenty of solo travelers. When you’re not ready to walk with someone else, or when the former companion leaves you, being able to “enjoy” the journey alone is also a skill. Sometimes, loving others is easy, but loving yourself is actually harder.
When Haruki Murakami decided to become a writer, he started running because writing is a year-round physical labor; a woman over forty also started running—for her, it’s a way to fight despair. Hiking enthusiasts climb mountains because the mountain is there; poets say, the mountain is there, it’s not coming to me, so I’ll go to it.
We will always choose a lifestyle that suits us—whether it’s running or hiking, alone or hand in hand. On life’s one-way journey, we experience the joys and sorrows, observing the scenery along the way.
Come on, let’s go hiking together.