Submitted by: Duane Raleigh Date:2011-11-08
Translator: tethys (Contact translator: tethys2006++gmail.com, replace ++ with @)
Andrew Bisharat, senior editor at rockandice.com, one of the most candid columnists at TNB magazine, just returned from a trip to China — arguably the best climbing destination in the world — with a trove of stories. You’ll soon see his new work in the world’s top climbing magazines, so stay tuned.
One morning, I sipped coffee with AB as he recounted his bizarre adventures in China — the breathtaking but hard-to-reach limestone arch that required climbing over a thousand steps, featuring a five-pitch sport route on top, and local free soloists (though they climb lower, easier routes, it’s still jaw-dropping; they used to solo for bird’s nest picking, now they perform for tourists). More and more visitors flock here, drawn by the magical karst landscape, throwing coins at the soloists as if he were a wishing well.
“It’s truly a magical place,” AB said, “but the hotel we stayed in was terrible, and we ate the same food every day. Noodles for breakfast, rice for dinner — always the same.”
We chatted about the little annoyances we face in different countries, then went back to work.
Later, Andrew sent me an email with an attachment — a humorous document called “World Problems,” listing things that only bother Americans, such as “I can’t hear the TV when I’m eating crackers” and “My GPS only takes me in circles through the ghetto.”
This list made me think about the problems climbers face, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that climbers really do have it rough, constantly dealing with so many little frustrations. It hardly needs saying, but I’ve compiled the following based on my own experiences as a climber to illustrate this point:
The Troubles of the Climbing World
1. Eating too much and struggling on hard routes.
2. My spouse and kids want me to stay home this holiday, but it’s prime season in Hueco (Hueco Tank, a famous bouldering area in the U.S. — translator’s note).
3. When climbing El Cap, I have to carry my waste in bottles all the way to the top (El Cap, a famous big wall climbing destination in the U.S. — translator’s note).
4. Going to the climbing gym always costs money.
5. I still don’t own a Grigri 2.
6. Rifle Mountain Park has no drinking water. (Rifle, a famous sport climbing area in Colorado — translator’s note)
7. I have to type with cracked fingertips, blood dripping onto the keyboard.
8. I have to put $600 on my credit card for a new pair of alpine boots, and my wife will find out soon.
9. Gas is $4 a gallon, I need to cut back, but I’m already so frugal I can’t find anything else to save on.
10. Non-climbers take up all the campsites, so I have to wait in line.
11. The expansion bolts I ordered still haven’t arrived today — same old story — now I’m just sitting around waiting, unable to climb.
12. Chalk bag leaking chalk.
13. Coming up with a clever route name, only to find it’s already been used on a crappy route.
14. I can’t tell where the middle of my rope is because there’s no mid-point marker.
15. The Mountain Project website keeps crashing, and I can't read the latest report on my first ascent.
16. The portable toilets never have toilet paper.
17. I couldn't use the hold that had been chalked.
18. This route is driving me crazy with all the cruxes.
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