Dreaming of Germany: German Men Are Not Just Stay-at-Home Dads—They Pee Sitting Down Too

By Mrs. Pearce

What’s your impression of German men? Is it the thrilling German football matches or the hearty beer-drinking at Oktoberfest? Since having a child, I’ve started interacting with German dads, which has opened another window for me to understand German men up close.

German wives are very happy

When I was pregnant with Grace, my husband and I attended eight prenatal classes together. There were eight couples in the class, and I remember one session where the midwife taught the fathers how to give their wives prenatal massage. Every single one of them was incredibly considerate, carefully practicing the massage techniques on their wives. During the sharing session, I joked, “German wives are so lucky—every husband is willing to humble himself to massage his wife. Pregnant mothers get to enjoy the feeling of being treated like royalty, and it definitely makes the pregnancy smoother and happier.”

Years ago, I heard a little story from my father-in-law about dads staying home to be “mommies,” and he said there’s nothing shameful about men taking care of kids at home these days.

In our village, there was a man who quit his high-ranking position at school to support his wife’s dream of becoming a doctor. He took full responsibility for the household so she could focus on her career. With the family relying on her income, he stayed home to raise their five children.

With five children of different ages and varying needs—the older ones requiring school drop-offs and pick-ups, the younger ones needing feeding and diaper changes—this dad handled it all without missing a beat, mastering the “eighteen martial arts” skills that mothers instinctively develop. My father-in-law said the whole village admired him for it.

In Germany, parents are entitled to fourteen months of parental leave after the birth of a child. This policy has been in place since 2007 and has been very well-received. During this leave, companies are required to pay 68% of the parent’s salary, so many people don’t want to miss out on this special benefit. It has also encouraged many men to stay home and take on the role of primary caregiver.

My friends Steffen and Corinna coordinated their fourteen months of parental leave after the birth of their daughter Maja. At first, Corinna stayed home for seven months to breastfeed, and then from the eighth month, Steffen took over. He went from being a lawyer to changing diapers on the changing table every day and helping Maja fall asleep.

The Biggest Perk of Being a Mom

When asked how it felt to be a stay-at-home dad, Steffen laughed and said, “The biggest perk of being a mom is probably getting to sleep a lot by following the baby’s schedule. Your health gets better, and chasing Maja around gives you a great workout.” But between the jokes, Steffen also shared something more heartfelt...

If you don’t take care of the kids at home, you can’t truly understand how hard it is for your wife. A full-time mom gives everything to the children, and the mental stress is enormous. On top of that, she has to manage the household. To be honest, it’s even more tiring than working. Because of this, he’s become even more considerate toward his wife. His experience as a stay-at-home dad gave him empathy for her struggles.

“Dads staying home as moms” refers to how German fathers are willing to spend every moment they can with their kids during family time after work. Macky once told me how grateful she is that the new generation of German men love their kids and their families. Her husband comes home exhausted but always makes time to take their three sons to the park, bathe them, and read bedtime stories.

Children need both moms and dads. If men think their only job is to earn money and bring it home, they’ll miss the chance to build a strong bond with their kids. By the time the children grow up and hit adolescence, it’ll be too late to repair the relationship.

As more dads become stay-at-home parents, German postnatal parenting classes used to be mostly attended by moms with their kids. Now, in about eight parent-child pairs, three or four are often dads bringing their kids. At the kindergarten near my home, it’s common to see dads dropping off and picking up their kids.

Every time I push Grace in her stroller and pass other dads doing the same, besides exchanging greetings, I always feel these dads have a certain glow on their faces. That look is very similar to the gentleness and determination women have after becoming moms. It turns out that no matter if you’re male or female, when a child arrives, the sacredness of that love naturally shines in the parents’ eyes.

[German Advantage] German Men Are Not Just Stay-at-Home Dads—They Pee Sitting Down Too

The new generation of German men not only breaks gender roles when it comes to fatherhood—many also pee sitting down at home. German men know how to adapt; the old-fashioned male archetype is no longer their role model. The new generation is reshaping themselves, breaking stereotypes, and adjusting gender roles. This allows German men to live more authentically and represents significant progress in achieving gender balance in German society.Excerpted from *Why Germans Can Build Perfect Mercedes-Benzes and Still Have Time to Stroll Gracefully in the Garden?* by Persimmon Culture

Author: Mrs. Pearce

Her real name is Lin Jiayu. She has worked as a TV program planner, radio host, mind-body wellness practitioner, travel magazine journalist, and correspondent in Germany. She has lived in Germany for five years and is now a writer and photographer, handmade art lifestyle creator, yoga instructor, and columnist for the German-style parenting and mindfulness column in *Lian Ren Fu Bao*.

Passionate about handmade crafts, independent travel, photography, dance, yoga, painting, and forest living.