Super "juicy" smoked ribs — challenge the limits of your taste buds!

Photos and text byGrandpa and Little Wife

Where can you find authentic American-style smoked ribs in Guam? It’s Tony Roma’s — this huge, glossy, gleaming rack of ribs that practically blinds you and makes your mouth water nonstop, for only US$19.99!!

Amazing, right?! Seeing an “American restaurant” with Spring Festival couplets on the door??? — ‘FELIZ NAVIDAD’, what does that mean? The answer is: ‘Merry Christmas!’ (in Spanish)

The decor is just like a regular restaurant, not emphasizing any American style (because, well, it’s in America), but there are comfy big sofas by the window (plus-sized people need a bit more space), and right outside the window, a Lam Lam Bus just drove by. The sunshine of the South Seas, the vibe of the South Seas, the lunch of the South Seas... sob sob... Taiwan in January is so cold (complaint).

Tony Roma’s is located on the first floor of the Royal Orchid Hotel, right across from the water park PIC, with blue seas and skies.

The ribs!! Grandpa said: ‘Don’t even bother looking at anything else.’ On the next page, there’s a 12oz (over half a Jin) New York strip steak, over 16cm wide and 1.5cm thick, also a signature dish here, but Grandpa didn’t even want to flip the page. As for the burger menu, Tony Roma’s has six kinds of burgers. Knowing I love beef, Grandpa ordered me the steakhouse burger and told the waiter medium rare. ‘Medium rare?’ I was a little worried...

Bread from a time-traveling South Sea... we hadn’t even ordered bread, yet it suddenly appeared on the table? But hey, when in Rome, eat the bread. Besides, the waiter wouldn’t ask me to spit it out... I guess maybe bread comes free with the main course? Or maybe they were afraid I’d eat the table from hunger — that’d be hard for the waiter to explain to the manager. When serving the bread, the waiter saw my starving face and looked horrified: ‘My God, don’t Taiwanese eat meat?’ (scripted dialogue)

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The Original Baby Back Rib — classic tender pork spare ribs, Roma Rack US$19.99 (NT$600)

Roma Rack is about 3/4 of a full rack, full slab is US$25.99, half slab is US$15.99. Sides include fries or rice, and you can swap the rice for mashed potatoes. When we chose rice, the waiter said: ‘Good choice,’ probably because he likes rice too. There are three sauce options: classic, honey, and whiskey. This is the classic one.

The fries are unapologetically thick, crispy and not salty. Though not super crunchy, I like them.

Smoked, tender ribs!! Sweet, not greasy sauce!!
Important: you have to eat these with your hands. Using a fork is the wrong way to do it — halfway through, you might accidentally bite your own fingers thinking they’re ribs... truly finger-licking good (Grandpa: ‘Truly dumb’).

Steakhouse Burger US$11.49 (about NT$345), with a long description: a burger patty made with sirloin beef, plus rosemary bacon, cheese, red wine sauce, red onions...

Each burger is a signataure blend of all-natural 100% sirloin, grilled medium, medium-will or well-done and served wit French fries.lettuce.tomato.red onion and a pickle unless noted. A grilled sirloin burger topped with Cabernet-Demi-glace, creamy Habarti cheese and rosemary bacon.

The patty is super thick, the bacon super fragrant, the pickles zesty, plus melted cheese... wow~~ the ultimate burger experience, cramming all the delicious things into one. Tell me where in Taiwan I can get the same for the same price? Medium rare is just perfect, and juices drip from the bite onto my lips, oh my God — the bacon aroma, the crunch of the cucumber, the richness of the cheese, oh~~ I’m gonna faint. Every time Grandpa orders, I’m a bit skeptical, but eating it always makes me super happy.

One thing you must try at Tony Roma’s is the dessert — sweet treats. Actually, we should all try the desserts at American restaurants — portions off the charts, sweetness off the charts, mountains of whipped cream, calories you don’t even want to think about. After seeing them, Grandpa was very satisfied: ‘Now THIS is what I call dessert.’

Chocolate Brownie Sundae — chocolate brownie sundae.

A warm, dense brownie topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, drenched in whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and sprinkled with OREO crumbs. US$6.99? Setting aside how fancy it looks, this portion could easily be shared by 4–6 people — super worth it.

The birthday cake they give at the restaurant is also like this. Check out “The Different Birthday Song”:http://goo.gl/vHBOr0”

Such dense whipped cream — probably freshly whipped, so delicate, tastes like eating mousse. Taiwanese whipped cream is always so stiff. The brownie is super thick and solid, like it’s been soaked in hot chocolate sauce, plus a big dollop of vanilla ice cream. To be honest, it’s a bit scary: ‘Just looking at it makes me feel fat,’ but Grandpa ate it all up, not leaving a trace of cream!

Let’s talk about the drinks here. Ordering a cola, black tea, or coffee is US$2 — seems expensive? But most restaurants in Guam offer all-you-can-drink beverages, including coffee. Tell me, where in Taiwan can you get all-you-can-drink coffee for NT$60? Compared to the ribs, burgers, desserts, and drinks, Taiwan’s prices are really high!! I can’t help but complain about travel guides and online reviews — they all say the restaurants here are super crowded and you absolutely must book ahead. We obediently called long-distance from Taiwan and booked every single restaurant, and look — all empty seats? I really wanna write to scold those authors!

What?! Already leaving?! Take some to go!! (scripted dialogue) Many people go to Guam and eat buffet at big hotels (about US$45–65). We think it’s better to spend our stomachs and money here — more refined flavors and tastes you can’t get in Taiwan.

Tony Roma’s won 5 awards at the 2012 New York BORO Restaurant Awards: Best BBQ Restaurant, Best Dinner, Best Outdoor Atmosphere, Best Seafood, and Best Steakhouse. Won the 2013 Best Breakthrough Restaurant Award. With one award, you might frame it; with ten, you can hang them all on the wall; when you have too many, you just put them away — because you don’t need anyone to know anymore.

Grandpa and Little Wife
☆ Love food, travel, and spas — a sweet duo exploring together ☆ ★