By Ding Yanling
Xiao’an said that although they had happily planned a family trip, not only did they return in a foul mood, but the couple also had several big fights during the trip. The two kids were noisy everywhere they went, and she even almost ended up having a “public tantrum spanking” moment. So she deeply felt that taking kids on vacation during the summer holidays was really a wrong decision. Before departure, the couple had even considered taking the kids to Japan next year, but now they’ve decided to wait until the kids are older before traveling abroad, because they’re just too exhausted. She also felt that her husband only focused on driving and refused to help take care of the kids. Even though time has passed, she still feels resentful.
Does that mean you shouldn’t take kids out to play if they tend to be noisy? Dr. Huang Guoyang, a pediatric psychiatrist at Tai’an Hospital, says absolutely not, Up!. He believes that couples who end up fighting during family trips and then think family travel is a bad idea should instead consider that they might already have underlying issues. The root cause isn’t the trip—it’s likely poor everyday communication. The real issue to address isn’t traveling with kids, but how the couple communicates and whether they need to adjust their approach.
For toddlers aged one or two, their fussiness may stem from physical discomfort—like an inability to sit still for long periods, or needing a diaper change. In such cases, handle it the same way you would at home: check if their diaper needs changing, carry them around, gently rock them, make sure they’re not running a fever, or see if the environment is too noisy... Just address it as you normally would at home.Dr. Huang Guoyang says that for kids between two and a half to three years old, they can only understand about half of what their parents say. So before the trip, parents should “warn” the child: the car or plane ride will be long and loud. But how do you explain length of time to a child? Since they don’t grasp the concept of hours, he suggests using more concrete comparisons—like saying, “You might have to sit in the car from breakfast until lunchtime,” or when flying, remind the child, “It’s going to get dark inside the airplane!” so they can mentally prepare.
To encourage better behavior, Dr. Huang recommends starting even before planning the trip—practice daily with the child: “Do you like staying in hotel rooms? If you want Mommy and Daddy to take you out to play, you must be good. Otherwise, the pretty lady (the flight attendant) might not be happy and won’t give you any gifts!” Or play games with them daily, pretending to board a plane or go on an outdoor adventure. Over time, the child will remember and, fearing they can’t move around freely, will obediently listen.
Dr. Huang says many couples often blame international family trips for straining their relationship, but the truth is, communication problems probably existed beforehand. He reminds parents: to make family travel more enjoyable, “Dads must be involved!” Don’t assume that because Dad usually does the driving, he shouldn’t or doesn’t need to manage the kids’ behavior. If you’re traveling with two kids, Mom dealing with both on her own will definitely be exhausted.
When it comes to dividing responsibilities, Dads must be involved. With two children, it’s absolutely exhausting for Mom to handle both alone, and the travel mood will definitely suffer. So the division of labor must include Dad. Today’s dads can’t be like the older generation where Mom takes care of everything and Dad just sits by reading the newspaper. Dads should be able to play with the kids too—this way, there’s healthy parent-child interaction.
If you plan to take kids on an overseas trip, Dr. Huang suggests parents pack some toys, books, or even paper and crayons in their bags. With just a sheet of paper and a pen, kids can draw, while older kids can play board games like Bingo with their parents—there are plenty of fun activities.
If packing too many books isn’t feasible, he recommends taking photos of picture books with your phone or tablet. When waiting in lines, those digital storybooks can become storytelling tools with plots to keep kids entertained.
Dr. Huang himself has an eight-year-old and a four-year-old. He says their family has traveled both domestically and internationally without any major issues, because he regularly plays with his kids. With a foundation of playing together in daily life, traveling becomes much easier. Whether it’s storytelling, playing with toy cars, or drawing in picture books, it all helps keep the kids well-behaved.
Additionally, he suggests parents consider traveling with one or two other like-minded couples. Compared to one mom handling one or two kids, three sets of parents with three sets of kids can watch out for each other’s children. The kids can play together or keep each other in check, making the trip much more relaxing.
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