Road Safety Tip #1: Encountering Night Traffic
My old-timer once told me, "Frequent night travelers are bound to meet ghosts." All of you here, cultured folks from all walks of life, surely don’t need me to explain that. What I want to clarify is that in today’s world, everywhere is brightly lit, and there are far more vehicles than ghosts. So I’ve revised it: frequent night travelers are bound to encounter vehicles. Back in the late 1980s, most nighttime drivers were people heading out for drinks. But now, entering the new century, besides those drinking, there are also those indulging in late-night revelry, chasing women, smuggling goods illegally, or just struggling desperately to make ends meet. In short, these folks are either not in their right minds or utterly exhausted, so their driving safety is compromised. As a pedestrian, you certainly can’t compete with a hunk of steel. So, in short, either avoid going out at night, or if you must, steer clear of headlights—stay as far away as possible. Unless you want your wife and kids to cry over you, the farther you stay away, the better.
Road Safety Tip #2: Encountering Robbery
This isn’t something to joke about. Don’t think you’re some martial arts hero. Ever seen someone’s face carved up? Or an ear chopped off? Haven’t seen it? Good—then listen carefully. I hate to even mention the face-carving part. But as for the ear-chopping, the cause is unclear, but here’s how it went down: back when I was in school, one day while walking down the street (must’ve been the early '90s), I saw a few guys pull something out of a newspaper tube, then a flash of cold steel—and next thing, someone was clutching a bleeding ear, surrounded by onlookers, with a lonely ear-like object lying on the ground.
Now, seriously—what should you do if you see someone being robbed? First, you’re not Wu Song. Second, you’re not Schwarzenegger. And you definitely don’t have a rapid-fire machine gun. So I don’t recommend charging in to play the hero. Based on my analysis, if you ignore my advice and do it anyway, the usual outcome is ending up curled up on the ground, groaning in pain. If luck’s not on your side, you’ll be covered in blood—not the thief’s, but splattered all over the road. If your conscience still bothers you, call 110 and keep it brief: say someone’s about to die at such-and-such location. That’s the best way to prevent a death. Whether you use your own phone or a public one is up to you. But if you use your mobile, don’t let the thieves see it—otherwise, you might become their next target.
If you’re the one being robbed—or mugged, and yes, those are two different things (lawyers will tell you that one word makes all the difference)—no matter which one happens:
First: You must remember, you’re not Rambo, nor are you the Western Venom Ouyang Feng, and you’re definitely not the Monkey King. In movies, heroes take a couple of hits and still manage to fight back—but that’s not you, and it’s not me. Remember, you’re just flesh and blood. A brick to the head, and you’ll be kissing the ground. If luck’s bad, you might never recognize your parents again. If luck’s really bad—say, if they hit you with a club or a sledgehammer—you’ll be chatting with the Grim Reaper on the Naihe Bridge. I heard someone once said, “You’ve got your club, I’ve got my skull.” The guy who said that, rumor has it, went crazy years ago.
Second: Knowing you’re just flesh and blood isn’t enough—you also need the right attitude. Attitude determines everything. So silently repeat to yourself, ten times a day, the following: “I’m just a mortal. I can’t take a brick to the head. I’ve got an 80-year-old mother and a baby depending on me. I can’t take a brick to the head.” If that sounds too crude, no worries—I know there are plenty of sharp folks here who can come up with words sharp enough to cut. With over a year of practice, you’ll have this concept engraved in your mind.
Third: Knowing you’re mortal isn’t enough—you also need some practical know-how. So what do you do when you run into thugs? Generally, folks here aren’t rich, so the chance of running into organized robbers is almost zero—their operational costs are way higher than anything you could ever have, even if you sold everything, including your blood and underwear. So what you’re most likely to face are aimless petty thieves. Once you realize that, things get simpler. These folks usually don’t care much about living or dying. If you try to fight them head-on, it becomes a fight to the death—so I don’t recommend it. The golden rule: your money, yes; your life, no. If you encounter such types, hand over the cash in your pockets immediately. Then go your separate ways. But here’s the caveat: money, fine—but if they tell you they’re going to tie you up, or worse, want both your money and your life—that’s crossing the line. That’s when you fight for your life. Use whatever you can—your bare hands, teeth, whatever—as a last-ditch effort. Let me tell you, the reason scumbags are scumbags and devils are devils is that they’ve got no conscience, no moral boundaries. Money is their closest family. So don’t try to talk them down—even though you’re all great with words here, but trust me, your silver tongue won’t kill thugs. Who’s ever seen anyone command a donkey to work with just words?
Fourth: If you think all this sounds too pathetic, I suggest you reflect for three days behind closed doors. Think about it—most robbers are drifters. The best-case scenario? After years of drinking with the underworld, one day in some distant year, they finally get caught. At least then you won’t be around to post on Cat’s Eye anymore. Still not satisfied? Then I’ll teach you some basic skills. But no self-castration required—though if you want to, go ahead. First, you must be under 28, with a fearless attitude toward life and death. Then, run 5 kilometers every day—that’s in case things go wrong during the actual encounter, and this skill might save your life. Next, practice hitting a stack of paper. To boost effectiveness, draw your boss’s face on the paper. Even better if you can get his photo and birth chart. Hit it while imagining him begging for mercy. Don’t spit on the paper—it’ll get soggy and cost you more money.
After years of hard training, when you’ve mastered your skills, you can test them—on unarmed, solitary thugs. If they have knives, back off. If there are three or more, abort immediately. If they’re wielding machetes, run for your life—toward crowds, where you can use your 5000-meter stamina.
When you choose this path, you basically have two outcomes: escape or a fight to the death. Think carefully before deciding.
Fifth: If you can’t run, your teeth are weapons, your pen is a weapon, even your watch—take it off and strap it to your fist. If you have a phone, it’s a great weapon—but don’t throw it like a brick. Keep it tightly in hand and use it wisely. If all else fails, take off your jacket, wrap it around your arm as a shield—aim to block their wrists or knives, but only use it to protect your head from clubs. Then you’ll hear a sharp crack—that’s a bone breaking. If even that doesn’t work, drop to the ground and play dead. Yes, play dead. You’ll come back to life later.
Source: Bicycle Network