Started understanding my mother during the trip—Mom detected I had a cold the moment she answered the phone

Text and photos / Published by Times Publishing, written by Huang Yuyang, *Passing Through, What the World Taught Me*

“Hello.”
“You have a cold?”
“……No, I just woke up.”
My mom can always tell I have a cold from the very first “Hello” when I pick up the phone.

To avoid worrying her, I always tell little lies—just like I’ve done for twenty-two years about everything else: the Middle East, South Asia, Africa… several times nearly not making it back to see her, nearly losing my left leg and having to go home in a wheelchair. Even when I signed a waiver with the Taiwanese embassy overseas stating they wouldn’t take any responsibility in case of an accident, I felt deeply guilty toward her. Even though I often feel she simply doesn’t understand me.

Last winter, my left leg had just recovered from a recurring cellulitis infection. Some mornings, before my mind was even fully awake, I’d first feel numbness and soreness in my left calf. I’d nervously jump out of bed to make sure I could still walk, then sit back on the bed with relief.

Later, when I was in Europe, I asked a local friend to buy me antibiotics. “I need to get my foot completely better quickly. Otherwise, when I get home, Mom will find out. If she knows I got sick in Africa, she’ll definitely be angry and upset……she just doesn’t understand me!” “Then do you understand her?”



Then my friend told me a story.

When his parents were about to get married, his grandfather was strongly opposed, warning them without any compromise: “If you get married, I will never have anything to do with you for the rest of my life.” In the end, his parents still got married, and for several years afterward, they really didn’t keep in touch. It wasn’t until my friend was born that his father thought he should call to inform him. When his grandfather answered the phone and heard the news of the baby’s birth, he immediately hung up. His father thought to himself at the time: I should’ve known this would happen.

A few years later, their relationship improved slightly, but there was one thing they only found out when his grandfather was close to passing away.

His grandfather, lying in bed, told them: Actually, after hanging up that phone call, I immediately went out to the toy store and bought a teddy bear. “I’m telling you this story just to let you know: don’t think you understand your parents too well, or complain that they don’t understand you. Before you’ve even given them the chance to understand you, don’t try to change them—we all know that’s impossible—but trying to understand them is something we can do for the people we love.” He said.

Maybe Mom doesn’t need a big Mother’s Day dinner. She just needs someone to talk to about her thoughts and feelings, just like all of us.