Enjoy it – a solo journey that opens your heart and creates one "encounter" after another.

Text & photos by Lin Xiao’ai, excerpted from 《No Love No Goodbye》 published by Fangcun Culture.

Before this book took shape, I thought of many titles, including “180 Days of Encounters” — sounds exaggerated, right? Well, the truth is almost just that wild. These crazy experiences and stories aren’t just locked in my memory; they’re vividly alive in this book. I don’t aspire to become some militant feminist guru or an extremist hedonist, but what I can share is that fearless attitude toward love and the adventurous spirit that would rather take a glorious fall than stand still in indecision.

Everyone says you find yourself through travel. But where? How? And how do you know that’s really you? I won’t deny that through these stories, I did gain a clearer understanding of who “I” am. But what I want to talk about isn’t the “encounters” themselves, but rather “how to make yourself more charming.” To be precise, it’s about discovering the power that makes you radiant through solo travel.

What kind of person is suited to solo travel?

1. Let’s be realistic: it’s best if you’re single, with no strings attached, no need to report to anyone. Any encounter comes guilt-free, and any spontaneous itinerary change doesn’t mean you’ll have to apologize for delaying your return home.

2. If you love adventure, trying new things, have endless energy, and incredible stamina, then congratulations – you’ve basically got your ticket to solo travel. Making new friends and trying new activities are seriously energy-draining, especially those that involve mountains and seas. Without real grit, you won’t make it up the mountain, let alone over it.

3. Are you open-minded, easy-going, and enjoy making friends? Personality shapes destiny—and also determines whether your solo trip leads to deeper connections with fellow travelers. Strip away titles, backgrounds, and life stories, and all any of us have is a backpack and a curious heart about the world. That’s how we can connect without reservation.

The Benefits of Solo Travel

1. Learn to be with yourself. Doing whatever you want, unburdened and carefree—this kind of freedom brings indescribable joy to some, while others may feel uncontrollable anxiety. You might become brave or timid, but no matter your personality or approach, solo travel will help you rediscover yourself along the way.

2. Embrace the unexpected and learn that plans never survive reality. Some people love rigid itineraries, crafting detailed schedules before departure and following them to the letter. But flexible travel often leads to wonderful surprises. The more you can enjoy the unexpected, the more at ease you’ll be with challenges, and the more possibilities you’ll uncover.

3. Learn to live with fewer resources. You’ll realize you can survive in any environment, life becomes simpler, and your mind clearer. You’ll be amazed to find your limits and capabilities far exceed your expectations. The less you carry, the more surprises you can bring back. Travel light, return full.

4. You’ll meet many inspiring friends. Travelers from around the world broaden your horizons and help you slowly piece together the bigger picture of the world. They might be fleeting acquaintances or life-changing mentors. For me, every person I met on the road made me stronger and more perceptive.

Dare to flirt, or just let it happen.

I always thought I was the intellectual and charming Carrie, but I didn’t realize there was a wild and daring Samantha hidden inside me, charging fearlessly through my own Sex and the City, embracing encounters head-on, daring to love boldly. Sometimes enjoying romance, sometimes enduring heartbreak, taking outcomes lightly but approaching the process with focus and care.

Some say never throw yourself completely into an encounter, just play around. I don’t have a one-size-fits-all suggestion because different personalities lead to different choices. Playing it safe doesn’t mean you won’t get hurt, and diving in headfirst doesn’t mean you’re doomed. Whether it’s a chance meeting on the road or one arranged by friends, I don’t see much difference—it’s all about fate bringing two people together.

If you think it’s just a fling, the other person probably won’t take it seriously either. But if you treat the encounter as a beautiful bit of fate, it might just last forever. Don’t avoid trying out of fear, and don’t miss out on sweet moments because you’re chained by the illusion of “forever.” Go out and experience. Compared to losing every opportunity out of fear of getting hurt, I’d rather lose my courage and individuality. The wisdom gained through age and experience has made me confident I can handle one encounter after another—knowing when to engage and when to let go, with safety always first.

If you ask me if I’m really not afraid of falling, getting hurt, or meeting the wrong people, I’d say the more you know yourself, the more resilient you become. Learn from every experience, then set off again. The more confident you are in yourself, the less devastating each beginning or ending will be, because you’ve given it your all and have no regrets.

Remember, experience is the best teacher. In the end, we all learn that not everyone is meant to stay till the end. Everyone who comes into our lives teaches us different lessons, some kind, some clumsy. Your character determines which path you take, but your temperament and wisdom determine how you walk it.

Creating Unique Encounters

1. Since the chance for a wonderful encounter exists, why not make it vivid, personal, and uniquely yours? Like every romance, an encounter doesn’t have to be earth-shattering, but it must be creative. To craft a unique encounter, don’t just be passive—take skillful initiative and have a smooth exit strategy to add flair and personality.

2. Flirting is a form of high-level humor. Create your own unique wit, engage in playful brainstorming with your encounter, and use your one-of-a-kind charm to attract attention. Have a fun and playful romance.

3. Falling in love is good for the soul and body—so why not do it more? When in love, everyone becomes a poet or artist, bursting with incredible ideas. Writing poems, painting, creativity flows effortlessly. You’ll be amazed by this side of yourself, feeling attractive and rediscovering long-lost confidence. In someone else’s eyes, you’ll see your own glow and sexy, beautiful energy. No wonder artists tend to be romantic—passion fuels inspiration. That’s the magic of love.

But no matter what, protecting yourself is most important. In any relationship, girls, remember the three-part survival kit: condom, safe period, emergency contraceptive. “Stay safe, and don’t regret afterward!”

How to Increase Your Chances of Encounters – Get Others to Start the Conversation

Are you sexy? Are you fun? Do you have a unique personality? If the answer is a solid “no,” then forget encounters—even making regular friends might be a struggle. If you’re boring, clueless about life’s joys, face the truth and ask yourself: Is this the personal image you want to project?

If the answer is “No, I don’t want to be,” maybe the following tips can help you unleash your charm and improve how you communicate with others. Then not only will encounters become likely—you may find solo travel no longer lonely, but rather a time when you have to filter through all the eager suitors. You’ll discover that being single no longer threatens your confidence. You know your own appeal, what you want and don’t want, and you’re better at holding back or letting go. Be more honest with your mind and body. Let’s see how many of the following you’ve mastered.

1. “Is your appearance attractive?”

Here, I don’t mean just a pretty face with nice clothes, but rather a “personal style” that sparks conversation even more than looks. For example, when I was in Chiang Mai, I accidentally created a highly recognizable “Chiang Mai Look”—various hairbands + big earrings + tanned skin + bright summer outfits. And I noticed how these features gave people tons to talk about when trying to chat me up: “Your earrings are so cute, where did you get them? / Your tan is amazing, where do you go sunbathing? / I love your outfit, it’s so unique…”

By the way, it’s all about “character.” Natural beauty with personal character beats beauty created by layers of makeup by a mile. Think about what your personal style or trait is—treat yourself like a brand and cultivate that uniqueness. Whether it's your hair color, clothing, accessories, or tattoos, start with your outward appearance and create something uniquely you. Boost your confidence, and you’ll naturally catch people’s attention—leading to that first interesting conversation, first date, and first wonderful memory.

2. “Is your inner self attractive?”

There are many facets to an attractive inner self—being kind, considerate, and generous are all appealing qualities. But when it comes to what’s most attractive on the road, being open-minded probably tops the list. Are you open-minded? How do we define open-mindedness? Let’s take a look at the “Four Nos and One Nothing” together.

“Don’t shut your heart, don’t jump to conclusions, don’t be self-important, and don’t set too many limits.”

Not all French people are romantic poets, not everyone with tattoos and piercings is a bad person, not all Africans are pitifully poor, and not all Indians are potential rapists. We might not even realize that we carry distorted, biased prejudices when dealing with others, while also harboring both arrogant and insecure national complexes when viewing ourselves. Without realizing it, our understanding and interpretation of the world get labeled in certain ways.

When the lens in our hearts is focused on clean and beautiful things, we think the world is wonderful. When the lens is aimed at dirty and filthy things, we feel the world is hopeless. Can we take off all the labels and titles and genuinely try to understand and appreciate different cultures? I once met a rugged-looking Italian farmer covered in piercings who was actually gentle and shy, and a seemingly refined French man who only wanted to take advantage of others. And the so-called irredeemably evil villain others spoke of might just become your closest, most loyal friend through interaction. So don’t view the world through tinted glasses or a single perspective—you’ll open yourself up to much more kindness and possibility.

“There’s no such thing as ‘impossible’!” Never say never. Nothing is truly impossible—whether it’s good or bad, known or unknown. If you think something is impossible, it will become so. But if you can throw away the idea of “impossible”—the farther the better—your life will be full of surprises waiting for you.

3. “Listening is the best way to communicate.”

Listen first, then speak. Don’t rush to show off—this actually helps build a better impression and gives you a chance to find common topics. Learn to listen, learn to be interested in others, and they will respond to you in the same way.

4. “A smile is the best way to bring people closer.”

Put your phone away and seize every opportunity to interact with others or make eye contact. Learn to smile at strangers. Approaching someone or being approached is an art, but the key lies in “sincerity.” Is it hard? Actually, no—it’s about practicing how to open the window to your own interesting side, so you can see a whole new view.

What travel has taught me

1. Realizing that travel isn’t a cure-all. You don’t have to give up everything to prove your courage, nor will traveling the world automatically help you find yourself. And don’t treat going abroad as a miracle cure when facing difficulties—when you return to reality, you might end up feeling even more lost than before you left.

2. Learning to build depth in your life, becoming a person worth reading about. Use travel to broaden your horizons, piece together your vision of the world, and become someone with a more unique perspective. This allows you to engage in genuine cultural exchanges with people from different countries with confidence and humility, showcasing the beauty and richness of Eastern culture with pride and modesty.

3. No matter your age, maintain curiosity and a spirit of adventure. Travel keeps you young—keeping a childlike heart and diverse interests is the real secret to anti-aging. If you stop having fun just because you’re getting older, that’s when true aging begins.

4. Travel is the best practice in returning to zero—you are you, not the version wrapped in various titles. Solo travel isn’t just about observing the outside world, but also reflecting inward. Through travel, you see the many possibilities of life, and afterward, you gain a clearer sense of the lifestyle you truly want. Find the steadiest source of strength and direction within your heart, live life on your own terms—that’s what makes life beautiful.

5. Appreciate more of what you already have. Travel has shown me, from afar, how precious my own culture is and given me a deeper understanding of myself. If we don’t even understand our own land and culture, how can we expect others to? If you’re constantly pushed forward by the flood of information, traditional values, or other people’s expectations, why not pause, think carefully about what you truly want, and then move forward step by step at your own pace? Ask yourself what you value most, what your beliefs are—do you seek the fame and success everyone chases, or a simple, joyful way of life?

Finding the beautiful way and the powerful force

The “one little flower” theory tells us that when you place a single flower in your home, something magical happens—you start wiping the table, tidying the bookshelf, cleaning the space, and eventually, the entire home becomes different because of that one flower. Have you found that one little flower that changes you?

How do you radiate sexiness and become an interesting, confident, beautiful woman inside and out? What you need to change isn’t just your appearance, but your determination—determination to take a different path, determination to try things you’ve never done. Sometimes, just a little bit of courage is all it takes to turn your life around.

Create your own life—don’t copy others. Your destiny is the life you decide for yourself. When you’re fully in control, you take hold of your fate. Start by traveling solo, face your weaknesses head-on, spend time with yourself, and discover what you love to do and what you’re passionate about. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking—when you do, you’ll know.

Love is courage, love is setting out. Whether you travel with questions or impulses, go ahead and dive into the experience, collide with yourself, and get to know yourself. Make this trip worthwhile and find its meaning.

Does it hurt? Good—it means it’s working. Because it strikes your vulnerability, it helps you grow more courage. Keep moving forward. We’re in this for as long as there’s love.