Dads Deserve Fun Too: Traveling with Kids Without the Headaches

By Ding Yanling

Xiao’an said that although they had happily planned a family trip, not only did they return in a foul mood, but the couple also had several big arguments during the trip. The two kids were noisy everywhere they went, and she even almost ended up having a “public kid-tantrum-scolding” scene on the roadside. So she deeply felt that taking kids on vacation during the summer holidays was really a wrong decision. Before departure, the couple had even considered taking the children to Japan together next year, but now they’ve decided to wait until the kids are older before traveling abroad, because they were just too exhausted. She also felt that her husband only focused on driving and wasn’t willing to help take care of the kids at all. Even though time has passed, she still feels indignant about it.

Should you not take your kids out to play if they tend to be noisy? Dr. Huang Guoyang, a pediatric psychiatrist at Tai’an Hospital, said, of course not, Up!. He believes that when couples argue during family trips and then think that traveling as a whole family is a bad idea, it might be better to reflect on the fact that they probably would have argued at home anyway. The reason for the argument isn’t the trip, but rather poor everyday communication. What should be re-evaluated isn’t traveling with kids, but whether the way the couple communicates needs to change.

! If it’s a one- or two-year-old child, the reason for their fussiness may be physiological—for example, they can’t sit still for long, or maybe they’ve wet or soiled themselves? Then handle it the same way you would at home to comfort the child: check if the diaper needs changing, hold the child and walk around a bit, gently rock them, and observe whether the child has a fever, etc. It could also be that the environment is too noisy... Just handle it the same way you would at home in similar situations.

Huang Guoyang said that if the child is between two and a half and three years old, they can only understand about half of what their parents say, so it’s important to “warn” the child in advance before setting off: the car ride or flight will be long and noisy. How do you describe the length of time? Since young children don’t have a concept of hours, he suggests being more concrete—for example, saying “you might have to sit in the car from the time you finish breakfast until lunchtime,” or when taking a plane, remind the child: “it’s going to get dark inside the airplane later!” so the child can mentally prepare.

To help the child behave better, Huang Guoyang suggests starting to rehearse with the child daily even before planning the trip: “Do you like staying in hotel rooms? If you want Mommy and Daddy to take you out to play, you must be good. Otherwise, the pretty lady (the flight attendant) might get upset and won’t give you any gifts!” Or play games with them every day pretending to take a plane or pretend to be out playing. After playing like this for a while, the child will remember, and out of fear of not being able to move around, they’ll obediently listen.

Huang Guoyang said that many couples often blame taking kids abroad for causing marital discord, but in reality, the communication issues likely existed long beforehand. He reminds: to make parent-child travel more perfect, “Dads must get involved!” Don’t assume that because Dad might be the one driving, he can’t or doesn’t need to manage the kids’ fussiness. If you’re taking two kids out, Mom going solo against two kids will definitely be exhausted to the point of collapse.

When it comes to dividing up the work, Dad must be involved. If there are two children, it’s absolutely exhausting for Mom to handle both alone, and the travel mood will definitely be bad. So the division of labor must include Dad. Nowadays, dads can’t be like the older generation where Mom takes care of and manages the kids alone while Dad just sits by reading the newspaper. Dads should also be able to play with the kids, so there can be good parent-child interaction.

If you plan to take kids abroad, Huang Guoyang suggests that parents pack some toys, books, or even paper and crayons in their backpacks. With just a piece of paper and a pen, kids can draw, older kids and parents can play board games like Bingo, and so on—you can play lots of games this way.

If you have too much stuff and can’t bring that many books, he recommends taking photos of picture books with a smartphone or tablet. When you need to wait in line, the picture books on your phone or computer can become storytelling materials. With storylines, kids won’t feel bored.

Huang Guoyang himself has an eight-year-old and a four-year-old child. He said their family has traveled both domestically and internationally many times without any problems, because he usually plays a lot with his kids. If you already have a foundation of playing together regularly, traveling won’t be an issue. So whether it’s telling stories, playing with toy cars, or drawing in picture books, it can all help keep the kids well-behaved.

In addition, he also suggests that parents might want to find one or two like-minded couples to take kids out to play with. Compared to one mom with one or two kids, three sets of parents with three sets of kids can watch out for each other’s children, the kids can play together or keep an eye on one another, which makes things much easier.

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