Unusual Turtle and Softshell Turtle Dishes

Unusual Turtle and Softshell Turtle Dishes

　　Unusual Turtle and Softshell Turtle Dishes

　　The Du River is not only rich in fish and shrimp (mainly small white shrimp), but also abounds with turtles and softshell turtles. Modern people, especially us Chinese, love to eat and love to eat heartily. To meet the demand for novel and exotic tastes, although I can’t afford these creatures myself, nor do I have the opportunity to enjoy them on the public dime, I still want to serve the people by coming up with a set of unique and creative ways to prepare turtle and softshell turtle dishes. I’ve already detailed this cooking method in a special chapter of my self-published book, "The Legend of Wang Sansheng," but I’m afraid the author may be earnest while the readers remain indifferent, failing to take note of the method. Thus, I’m making it public once again. However, first and foremost, let me clarify that anyone planning to cook these dishes must not forget that the patent rights belong to me. Also, if any restaurant wishes to prepare them, they must invite me for in-person guidance. But considering I’ve just moved to Shiyan City, I won’t charge a teaching fee for this culinary art. Instead, I’ll share it freely with the citizens, both as a treat and a way to connect—

　　Let’s start with eating turtles. For preparation, select one turtle about the size of a cow’s hoof, two pieces of old clay roof tile, two basins of silver (or wood) charcoal fire, and a bowl of sauce made with yellow wine, mixed with scallions, garlic, minced ginger, vinegar, and other seasonings. Also, prepare a bamboo (or tube) “water gun” that can both suck and squirt, similar to a large syringe. The specific cooking method is as follows: use one basin of charcoal fire as the base heat, place a piece of clay tile upside down on the base charcoal, put the tender turtle on top of the tile, then cover the turtle with another tile. On top of that covering tile, place the second basin of charcoal fire. As the turtle heats up, it curls up within the two tiles, exposed to heat from below and above. Slowly warmed and baked, it becomes so agitated that it can neither jump, move, dodge, nor hide. Cornered, it can only retract its head into its belly in utter helplessness.

　　Once the upper and lower tiles turn bright red, use the “water gun” to spray the yellow wine-seasoned sauce onto the tiles and the turtle. The redder the tiles get, the more you spray. Repeat this several times, and slowly, the turtle succumbs to the heat and the sprays, becoming utterly enchanted, even enraptured.

　　The turtle prepared this way is rich but not greasy, crispy but not burnt, charred but not tough, tender, mellow, fragrant, smooth, and refreshing. Because it isn’t subjected to chopping, slicing, boiling, or other harsh methods, none of its vital energy is lost. Therefore, it greatly nourishes the consumer’s yin essence, vitality, and spirit, significantly enhancing one’s joy of life — truly a premium delicacy. Since the tiles resemble ancient soldiers’ shields, this dish is named “Double Shield Longevity Crisp.”

　　Now, let’s talk about eating softshell turtles. The preparation involves selecting one or two horseshoe softshell turtles, a bowl of seasoning sauce made with white liquor, mixed with scallions, garlic, and minced ginger, a long-spout porcelain teapot, a carpenter-drilled sieve-like pot lid, and a bluestone weighing over 10 pounds. The specific cooking method is as follows: first, drop the horseshoe softshell turtle(s) into a pot of cold water, cover it with the sieve-like lid, press it down with the bluestone, pour the white liquor-seasoned sauce into the long-spout teapot, and then start adding firewood to ignite the flame (you can also use a gas stove or electric cooker, but a low flame is best). Wait as the water in the pot gradually warms up. The softshell turtle, tortured by the increasing heat, flails desperately, frantically searching for an escape. Just then, the holes in the sieve-like lid provide just enough space for the turtle to poke its head out and gasp for air — perfect. Then, simply lift the long-spout teapot and pour the seasoned sauce directly into the turtle’s throat. No matter how much the turtle squirms, opens its mouth, or tries to flee, keep pouring the white liquor-mixed sauce into its circulation system, letting it seep into every organ before its final moments. Well, I won’t boast too much about these two dishes I’ve invented. Just imagine for yourself how incredibly delicious they must be. However, the latter dish does need a name —

　　How about “Open-Mouth Fragrance”? In folklore, turtles and softshell turtles are both commonly referred to as “wangba” (tortoise). This unusual way of eating aligns perfectly with one of the standard Chinese characters known for its pictographic and ideographic representation: 美 (meaning “beauty”!